Boundaries and Lived Experience - A Rant

This is a rant about people. The kind of people who think it's OK to put forth their worldview or their experience as THE ONE TRUE WAY OF LIVING.

These are the people who continue to push against boundaries and can't see that they could be wrong.

I'll often see these situations on social media.

A page for something specific like neurodiversity, homosexuality, chronic illness, or anything really will attract someone who decides they alone hold the secrets of the universe and you should feel special that they want to impart their wisdom onto you.

I'm not going to delve into the gender and race of these knights in tinfoil helmets who live in a fantasy realm of their own making. You can probably easily guess. It's not always that particular segment of society, but it is more often that segment.

One of the pages on neurodiversity had this happen recently. They posted about being tired and someone decided that they just need to exercise more.

Exercise is great and helpful for a lot of things. It *can* help fatigue, but that depends on the cause of the fatigue.

For someone who is struggling with overstimulation, more stimulation is often the last thing they need. It could lead to them being unable to sleep at night from getting too excited and then the lack of sleep could make everything even worse. For someone who is having difficulty focusing, a workout session beforehand can help increase their concentration. For someone who is stressed out, sure exercise can help, but they also need to deal with the cause of their stress or they won't get lasting relief. If the fatigue is due to insomnia, well, that needs more than exercise to help. If it's caused by anxiety, exercise can help, but therapy will help in tandem for more lasting relief. Depression can be helped by exercise, but that's more often mild to moderate depression and severe needs a lot more than exercise. Telling someone who can barely manage to get enough energy together to eat that exercise is going to cure them is truly idiotic. 

Pretty much every condition on the planet from a common cold or allergy to cancer comes with fatigue, so running around telling people they just need to exercise is lacking in empathy, compassion, knowledge, logic, etc.

For someone with a chronic illness, it's very easy to cross over this microscopic line that separates helpful from harmful. 

And someone who isn't chronically ill or neurodiverse has no business adding their 5 cents to the discussion. Their body and mind aren't in a constant state of hyperarousal that is akin to being on fire all the time or one that is ready to re-ignite at any moment.

What's troubling is that this happens in so many other areas of life as well. I recently had a man on my instagram who kept telling me he thought I was beautiful. On the face, that seems like something I should be happy about. My initial response was that I was flattered, but also very gay. He continued. I supplied the dictionary definition of a lesbian. He continued. I blocked him. It was clear he didn't care that I was not a willing participant. There are people who sincerely believe that lesbians just haven't found the right penis. It's exhausting.

And I have met some women like this as well who continue to pursue after they're told I'm not into them. 

If someone says, "You're not my type," it means you should move on and quit trying to pursue a more-than-friends relationship with them.

Do they need a decoder ring to clue in?

In both cases, that was me saying in the kindest way possible, "Back the fuck off. I'm not interested."

There are many ways they could say this. Stop. No. I only want friendship. I'm not dating right now. I don't feel that way about you. 

I honestly don't get why you'd want someone who doesn't want you. It's really unhealthy and you might want to talk to a professional about it. I get that the enemies to lovers trope is out there, but that's fiction and while it could be OK with a willing partner to explore in a consensual roleplay, it's not OK anywhere else.

A friend recently witnessed white people telling non-Chinese Asian people what their new year's animal is. When the Asian people told them it's the rabbit, the white people argued with them. Not only is this culturally insensitive, it's incorrect. It's not actually called the Chinese New Year. It's the Lunar New Year. Many other cultures around the globe celebrate the Lunar New Year. Even many other religions like pagans do.

I've also had someone tell me that I don't need to build strength to be a better athlete. Wrong. I have since learned that I have hypermobility. That means that my tendons are weaker than they should be. The best thing for that? Building muscle to help support my weak tendons. I have to do it carefully because I could hurt myself if I do what works for a lot of other people. I wouldn't dream of telling someone else with hypermobility to do this. Their case of it might be vastly different and they may seriously injure themselves with the most gentle of exercises.

We're in the time of the year where I struggle with nosebleeds. The heat combined with Sjogren's and a need to have caffeine to function all culminate in bloody noses for me. Also drier eyes, but I'm not getting into that. A friend mentioned that when noses get that dry it can reduce the ability to smell things. For me, that would be a blessing because my sense of smell is hyperactive. I admit that I do need to get better at remembering to use my nasal moisturizing product. But it's hard because I have alarms set to remind me to put drops in my eyes and to use my nasal spray for allergies. I am also quite busy trying to off balance the bit of caffeine I have with the water I need to ensure I don't get dehydrated because that can happen more easily with me. I also have to watch that my hands and feet don't crack and bleed too. And it comes with chronic fatigue and pain that I also need to manage.

People often know their own bodies in ways others can't, but this is even more prevalent with those who are neurodiverse or chronically ill. Someone shouldn't have to scream loudly or cause a scene to get their boundaries to be respected. They shouldn't have to continuously deflect the uninformed opinions of people who can't fathom what their day-to-day reality in this world is like. They shouldn't have to repeatedly say no.

Disclaimer: I'm not yet diagnosed as neurodiverse, but I am having the possibility investigated as I do experience many of the aspects. I do not claim to speak on behalf of the neurodiverse population, nor will I if it turns out that my suspicions are correct. Each person who has a condition of any sort experiences different symptoms and has a different lived reality of managing their case of it.