Rae Roy

Today is the annual Bell Let's Talk day to raise awareness and money for mental health in Canada.

Before they found the vitamin deficiency, I wondered if I was having a mental health issue. I didn't feel like myself at all. I had bouts of what I can only describe as rage. Anyone who knows me can tell you I'm pretty easy-going. Most things I don't get upset over. But this? Every time a cabbie cut me off, I would get so angry! There'd be a stream of obscenities and it would wreck a large part of my day despite logically knowing a cab driver would probably cut me off. I would also switch moods rapidly. I could suddenly find myself weeping over something that normally wouldn't be a big deal like being unable to open a juice container. I felt like the real me was trying to climb out while some imposter was living my life. I didn't want to tell anyone either. I was worried people would think I was mentally unstable.

What do I think now? I wish I hadn't been afr…

Writing

Writing is progressing at a relaxed pace. I haven't done much with my novels in the past week or so. Instead, I've been focusing on two short stories for contests. With the horror one I'm at the point where I need to polish things to make it more emotionally gripping. With the other I had a beginning and end, but I needed a middle. I have the story written now. It is my first attempt at literary fiction. I'm working with a character and plot from generators and changing elements that I really can't connect to like a hobby of stamp collecting. It needs to be under 2,500 words and right now it's at 1,923. I'm wondering if I need to make it longer or not. I'm reading last year's winning piece for guidelines.

I haven't been writing a lot before today as I've just felt too ill.

Health

I've been really lucky, I think. Despite having a condition for at least 20 years untreated, I haven't (so far) had anything worse than B12 deficiency. …

Generally I like to stay positive, but this week has had some awful things happen.

First, there was Bowie. That was upsetting.

Today, the world lost Alan Rickman. This breaks my heart.

Growing up with two brothers, Die Hard was a favourite film. I always loved and hated Hans Gruber. He was deliciously evil. That voice... It has remained one of my favourite Christmas movies.

In high school I discovered Dogma. Rickman's role, Metatron, was delightfully sarcastic. He played an excellent Ken Doll. It is also one of my favourite movies.

In college there was Harry Potter. He was perfect in the role of Severus Snape! He was bad and good at the same time. My first taste of Harry Potter was watching The Chamber of Secrets at a friend's house back in the days of Blockbuster. Despite a strong dislike of spiders, I was mesmerized, enchanted. Part of that enchantment was Alan Rickman's voice. Shortly after, I recalled there were books and I had to have them. I regret avoiding them in high s…

I didn't experience a lot of David Bowie growing up. My parents are country fans and one brother listened to Metallica and Bon Jovi while the other spent his time listening to artists like Joan Jett. My musical lineage looks like:

Childhood - The Chipmunks, The Mini-pops
Tween Years - Disney soundtracks, Ace of Base, Green Day
Teen to Modern Day - Green Day, Nirvana, Offspring, Marilyn Manson, Nine Inch Nails, Tori Amos, Evanescence, Blink 182, Tegan & Sara, Of Monsters and Men, Ed Sheeran, Flyleaf, Beatles, Simon & Garfunkel, Avril Lavigne, Daft Punk, The Strokes, etc.

Labyrinth was watched with my brothers at some point, I'm sure, but they weren't big on that either. We watched Star Wars and The Neverending Story much more frequently.

It wasn't until high school that I heard a Bowie song and even then, it was one he did with Queen. We used Under Pressure as the opening to a play in my theatre days. It was a play about high school and peer pressures. Being the open…

What are my goals again? I think I've sort of forgotten, but I think I'm also accomplishing them anyway.

Writing

This week I've been working on a short horror piece that I want to submit somewhere in a month or so. It's a fun tale involving cannibalism. The working title is Northern Horror, but that may well change before submission.

I haven't done much on The Blood Waitress Club this week. Need a little breather.

Waiting to hear about The Page & The Magician. Supposed to hear something this month.

Health

B12 shots are awesome. Yes, they make one feel a little yucky at the start, but that wanes. I have a lot more energy and now that I'm getting used to it, I'm feeling like I can focus a lot better.

This week I learned that Venus Williams has the same autoimmune condition as me. She doesn't let it stop her from being a top performing athlete and I won't let it stop me from leading a full and happy life. I also read that she struggled with the decision t…

Well the year and I have gotten a bit of a slow start. I’ve been feeling awful lately. Dizzy, rage-filled, moody, and beyond tired. I just thought it was related to chronic inflammation and the whole having an autoimmune disease thing. Nope. Apparently my B12 has been low. I’ve been feeling like telling much of the world to go F**** themselves, which isn’t like me. During this time I avoided people more than I normally do. I’m an introvert type, so I love my me time, but I dreaded being around people. I also couldn’t get my butt out of bed at a decent time in the morning.

So I’m on monthly injections of B12 for 10 months. The first one made me feel ill. I went from no energy to ALL. THE. ENERGY! Then I felt tired. Then I got suddenly overheated. Next I was chilled. Then I was nauseous, shaky, and shortly after that I was ravenous and wondered if there was enough food in the house to satiate me! The next day I was a little sick feeling, but that passed and after a little bit of tirednes…