Rae Roy

It went OK, though I need to check my microphone before starting  in the future. For some reason, OBS changed it to "default" and then it wasn't on at all.  But, I had my first spammer this evening, so I guess that means I'm a real streamer now! On Monday, I plan to start streaming SOMA and I'm looking forward to it. I have a busy weekend ahead of me. Friday is Canada Day, and I will be hanging out with some friends across town. On Saturday, I have plans to go to a small party at an old teacher's house. And Sunday brings participation in a music video! I may need a weekend from my weekend... Please check out my digital to-do list: https://trello.com/b/RM8yD3eq/rae-roy-general

Before I get into my update, I just want to say that my heart goes out to many in the U.S. I'm feeling so many things about that decision right now, especially anger and sadness. I'm also feeling fear because sometimes the bad there seeps up to Canada. That has been happening more in recent years and as a lesbian woman, I truly hope I won't have to seek refugee status in a European country all because some U.S. citizens have a need to force their lifestyles on others. My Update I've starting streaming on Twitch. Right now, I'm streaming Lost Ark while I learn things. Like that my first stream on Monday had no microphone on! And like my stream on Wednesday had an echo because my speakers were too loud, so it kept repeating what I said in my microphone in an endless loop. And like, how do I write things into my channel like about me and stuff? I haven't figured that one out yet. I'm sure there is a video on YouTube about it though or a friend can tell me. Fu

Saturday was my favourite day of the week. It began with Dino Streamfest, which spanned from 9:00 AM to Midnight. There were a few of the channels that weren't really the kind of content that I was looking for, so I did other things in between. Things like self care (showering and eating), relaxing (video games - Fenyx Rising and Lost Ark), and music (keytar and writing). This week, I decided to stop doing music lessons. There were a few factors going into this. The cost was putting me into financial hardship. That was a big one. But I also wasn't getting to learn the instrument I really want to focus on: keytar. And much of the curriculum wasn't made for piano even, so I couldn't really even just learn that well. And given the cost to new material to me ratio was not worth it, I decided to take my money and time back. And I've done more with my music in one day than I have since April. But it wasn't a total loss. It got me motivated and I got just enough inform

I completed Ankgor Wat and did nothing for a little bit as I have been dealing with an angry toe. While scootering, I basically kicked the ground when falling and other than the immediate pain, I didn't think too much on it. I don't think I even looked at it. I should have. Maybe I would have noticed there was a problem before it started oozing. That was a couple of weeks ago. It's doing a lot better, but still not healed. Which is impacting my Everest walking this round. If I go above 5000 steps, it seems to get angrier. So I'm having to take it easy and just do things like cleaning around the house and whatever walking I get while shopping. And I'm annoyed about it because I really enjoyed doing the first one. The medal from it is due any day and I ordered a medal hanger for it and all the rest to come. I'll probably need another hanger at some point. On the Everest Challenge, it's partly about getting the names of all the places on the route for research.

Image by chenspec on Pixabay. I had a really bad day on Monday where I reached the limit. I realized that I wasn't always struggling with my home like this. I used to be able to clean a whole house in a day. In fact, once upon a time it was my usual Wednesday when I worked part time. One of my challenges in decluttering has been that I wasn't being honest with myself. I think I've been putting off cleaning up for a long time in order to keep people away. By not letting anyone get that close to me, I don't risk being hurt again. But the thing is, I don't let love in either then. I just get to be lonely and to wish things were different. And the people who hurt me in the past get to continue haunting my present and future like sadistic ghosts. Well, no more of that. I deserve a clean home for me.  And I don't have to let someone come over just because it's clean. Silly brain. I don't need a physical boundary that just makes my own day-to-day more difficult

On Friday, I did the most uncomfortable thing I've ever done. What was it? I read my own published short story, The Solarium , in front of other people. Prior to my turn at the virtual open mic night, I was really squirmy. I suppose I would've been less nervous if it hadn't been so long ago that I looked at the story that was written and published in 2016.  As I stumbled through the words, I tried to remind myself to just slow down or try again as needed. What else could I do? I also didn't look at the chat to see how it was going for fear I would just mess up more. After it was over, I felt odd. My head especially. Like there was a buzzing. Or like my blood pressure was way too high. I suppose the fight or flight response may have been triggered. One of the issues I had while reading is that there were a couple of places that I think I have words missing or grammar issues. And it was published six years ago, so I think I should dust it off and put it out on Amazon with

Image by Gordon Johnson "Wait, so you really got to age 39 before figuring out you were gay? Are you stupid?" Yeah, so I know a number of my friends and/or readers have probably been wondering about some things. Or maybe I just think so because I would be curious as to how someone can not know they're gay after doing a lot of sampling over the decades. At one point, I just thought most men were terrible at sex. Or mediocre at the very least. OK, I'm going to cross into too much information territory now. Penetration has almost always been unpleasant for me. I've thought so many things over the years on that beyond men being awful lovers. I thought it could be because I'm petite. Or maybe because I have Sjogren's Syndrome. One partner even had me convinced I had vaginismus for a time. Or maybe it was that I had trust issues and that's why I often couldn't "arrive"? But it was often the case for me that sex would be fine once or twice and s

Happy Pride Month to all those celebrating! I'll be somewhat brief this year, but suffice it to say that it took me a long time to figure out this piece of myself. For many years, I just thought I was on the asexual spectrum. This is partly because I had a number of things to heal from, which had left me emotionally numb in a lot of ways.  The pandemic gave me the time that I needed. It also brought with it the opportunity to do Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) as the cost was covered by the province and I couldn't go out anyway. The model wasn't for everyone. It was a split between phone conversations and online work. The early modules were full of things I already knew from my diploma in Social Work. Perhaps that made it easier for me to go through it in a non-traditional setting or perhaps it was my background in I.T. that made it work just fine for me. Whatever the case, I'm really glad I seized that opportunity. As far as I know, it's still an option for any

I've come to the realization that I need to chill the fuck out a bit on my goals. I don't know what made me think I could reasonably carry on a schedule of trying to work on all of them every day while having a full-time job except utter silliness. Anyway, all this to say that I need to tweak my schedule again. My piano teacher advises that 5 minutes of scales and 10 minutes of song practise daily is enough at my current level. That's really doable.  I'm thinking drawing will be once or twice a week. I'll start with one for now. It's generally recommended to exercise at least three times per week to stay healthy. On the writing front, I've found it hard to do a lot during the week. I'm just too tired in the evenings from being on a computer doing office work all day. Decluttering can be done in small amounts daily. And that should leave plenty of time for reading. There. Sanity restored. Now I just need to figure out which days for which activities and t