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2023 - Week 29


Monday

Work: It was a productive day and I even had time to start working on process improvement efforts that have been on the back burner for many months.

Mood: I couldn't get the blog post out. Why? Because I'm so sick of trying to figure out what tags to use. Why can't I be normal and just know things like that? Why is it so damned elusive? Why do I sit here wondering how much I should've written about a topic before it deserves a tag? Why isn't it all handled via a content search instead of this extra step of beaucracy?! I'm also hating blog post titles. Do I REALLY need them every week?

Home: I spent the evening reading Girls Like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko. I had to force myself to put it down because I was hungry in more ways than one.

Tuesday

Work: In the early morning, I joined people from my portfolio at a breakfast event. It was great meeting people in person that I communicate with via email all the time. After the breakfast, which was at Nepean Sportsplex, I returned to my home in Beacon Hill to discover I had left my laptop charge cable at work on Monday. Thankfully, I was able to get a work friend to grab it and bring it down to me as I temporarily stopped outside the Queen Street side of our building, so I could get back to working as the battery was almost out.

Mood: Stop telling other people to have kids or not to have kids. Their family plans are none of your business. Also, stop telling people who you don't know that they are "so young." Some of us have lived more years in a shorter time than you can possibly imagine.

Home: Today was a lot. I had evening plans to see my goth friends, but I felt too sad, too tired, and too overwhelmed to go out again. I had way too much to do around the house that was weighing me down. I needed to get some practice in with the melodica though my hopes of actually being able to play any of the songs were hovering around 10%. I also needed to work on my outfit for the upcoming wedding I would be attending on the weekend. Before I got to anything, I finished Hayley Kiyoko's book. Yeah. It was a 2-day read for me, which is something I haven't been able to do since I was a child. I think I've been reading the wrong books for me. I forgot what it was like to thoroughly enjoy a book like that.

Wednesday

Work: I thought I was close to being done a document, but there were quite a few items that needed to be clarified.

Mood: Not really a rant today, but more like an admission that I've been struggling this week. Losing another person this month has made me think about all the people I've lost over the last two decades. I don't think I had the proper time to grieve all of them. Sometimes living alone truly sucks when you could really use a hug.

Home: I started fixing the tags on my blog posts as I felt things like "goals" were too vague to be useful and it would be better to have the actual things like music and writing as the tags. I ordered Chinese and then played some Neverwinter with friends. It was the exact thing I needed to soothe the raw emotions.

Thursday

Work: So many things have taken baby steps forward and I'd really like to just get them completed.

Mood: Still feeling really emotional today. 

Home: I've started planning a cross-stitch piece to memorialize all the people I have lost over the decades that had an impact on me.

Friday

Work: I couldn't wait for work to end.

Mood: Sad and worried I'll be terribly unfun to be around this weekend and I hope I can just enjoy myself at my friend's wedding tomorrow.

Home: I acquired a bunch of free patterns from DMC like the small dolphin one. My mom loved dolphins. I wasn't looking forward to softball between my mood and the fact that we might be playing in the rain, but then the forecast changed from the day before and it was less likely to continue raining. But that was a lie and we got soaked! First, I caught the ball and got someone out. I was shocked that I actually caught the ball. Then it started really pouring when I was up at bat. Soon after, we had to postpone the rest of the game to another day. This meant we went to the bar sooner and I also learned that I need to pack more dry items in my car for softball days. I had changed my shirt, but my bra was soaked, so that wasn't so helpful. But softball has been so helpful during this moody period I've been in.

Saturday

Home: My plan was pretty much to spend the day getting ready for my friend's wedding. This included getting a card, cash, concealer, snacks, and lunch. It also included washing the white parts on my Vans as I planned to switch to them during the dancing section. In the old days, I used to just end up dancing practically barefoot and had really sore feet the next day. 

The Wedding: J & K's wedding was one of the few ceremonies that truly moved me. They're one of the most loving couples I know. I met some really nice people at my table. Hopefully I see some of them again. One couple was from New Brunswick, so the likelihood is low on running into them again, but I think the rest are in Ottawa too. A friend was in the wedding party and told an early story of her own lesbian experience that was a mix of funny and endearing. I was still feeling quite burned out from life in general, so I didn't stay for the whole thing and went home for some self-care because really loud techno wasn't something I could handle past 10 PM on this particular night. 

Sunday

Home: I was feeling a bit rough on Sunday morning despite not having drank that much at the wedding. But I started the day with dishes and went on from there. I also spent some time at Dino Club and practiced melodica for tomorrow's jam session.

Mood: Still sad, but it's starting to lift. Thankfully. I'm usually an upbeat, happy type. I suspect that there are some people who are newer in my life and haven't seen much of my happy and fun side. I know I'll get back to me soon.

Writing: I did some editing on Sparker. I have been feeling like it's time to get it done now that my work is a little more regular and I'm not weighed down by major efforts like the budget or year end. I also feel like I'm ready. Like it needs to exist outside my technology and head. I've been going through tags on my blog. Especially the ones that are listed as goals and I think that reading some of my old posts has been helpful to me in seeing some of the techniques I have used in the past with my writing and in how I was unknowingly coping with my ADHD. It's as if I left crumbs for myself to follow to get back on track.

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