Skip to main content

Merry Monday - A Case of Impostor Syndrome

bringitToday, I stand at the foot of a mountain, looking up at the peak and wondering if I can make it there. At least, I hope it's the bottom of a mountain rather than a precipice.

At the tail end of last week, I had a strong bout of impostor syndrome that went rather like this:

"I'm terrified about school. If it doesn't lead to a job, what am I going to do? What if it does and I can't handle the speed of the work? What if I fail? What if I'm terrible? What if my classmates don't like me?"

My friend's advice?

"Give it your best. Good things are already happening for you, so more will come. If you want it, you will push yourself. Take care of the present and the future will take care of itself."

Truly wise that one is.

It's a little more complicated for me. My eyes are getting drier as the summer humidity leaves, which makes it hard to read. The large amount of walking one day made me fatigued. I'm hoping I'll get used to it and the tiredness will go away.

I've been taking a little writing break to avoid burnout as I'm anticipating that I'll have a lot to do in the coming months.

Tomorrow, I meet my classmates for the first time and we learn about what our year ahead will entail. We'll get the picture of the mountain, though not every rock that may trip us up along the way.

Part of me wonders if I've lost my mind chasing my passion for writing. It could all blow up in my face. I could just end up with more debt and no job.

But if I don't try it, there will always be the 'what if' hanging over me. Some risks are worth it.

Another friend, who will be at the same school, has mentioned it feels like we're characters on Community. I think it's going to be an adventure-filled year!

Guid cheerio the nou,
R~

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Gauntlet That Was October

I had a lot of things happen in October. I watched Frankenstein in the cemetery with friends. I had tea with a friend. I started a new sport: curling. This is really fun and I'm enjoying the level of activity it provides and all the strategic elements. I'll do a separate post on it soon. Unfortunately, soon after my first game, I came down with Covid and so did the friend who I had tea with, so I think we both caught it at the place we went to. That wasn't fun. I already posted about that. I was fortunate to be free of it in time to attend Can-Con where I took in lots of panels, saw some of the wonderful writer community, bought many new books, and volunteered to help out in the rooms. The following weekend, I went to the livestream for Danielle Allard's new album release, followed by the in person release. As part of this, she has a 6 video series that releases every Sunday on her YouTube at 1:15 PM EDT. Video number 2, Falling Into Place, is one that I feel fortunate

Under Siege

My city is under attack. I wish I was being facetious.  The so-called "freedom" convoy is here and so far this is what has transpired: 1. They parked on the war memorial. These people who call themselves patriots. This is where the Unknown Soldier rests. This is where Corporal Nathan Cirullo lost his life in October of 2014. The cars were towed, but who knows what actual repercussions they will face. 2. Later, when asked to move away from memorial, one stood and jumped on the tomb itself while others cheered.  3. Despite having port-a-potties provided for by the mayor, they've been defecating on Parliament Hill, in snowbanks, and on streets nearby.  4. Flags being flown include the Confederate flag of the United States, Trump flags, the Quebec equivalent to the Confederate flag, upside down Canada flags, regular Canada flags, Fuck Trudeau flags, libertarian flags, and ones adorned with swastikas. Yeah, this is totally about freedom rather than racism, white su

2023 - Week 39

Starting curling season out right with this lovely gift from a friend and Bengal Spice tea. Normally, I work in-office on Mondays, but after such a busy week, I couldn't deal with an environment filled with distraction and socializing. Most of my team wouldn't be in anyway, so there wasn't a lot of point to making the transit trip. I spent the day working, catching up around Tiny Condo, taking in another Scrivener webinar, playing Minecraft, and attending my friend Danielle Allard's studio stream. The webinar was focused on using Scrivener as a tool for academic writing, but he demonstrated some features that are making it easier for me to continue reorganizing my novel into scenes. Later, I set up my Google calendar with the dates for round 1 of Rainbow Rockers (RR) curling. On Tuesday, I pulled the Death card for a second day in a row. I try to do a daily tarot though sometimes I forget. I know it's random and woo, but it's interesting that lately I've pul