Skip to main content

Wonder Wednesday: Am I too sensitive?

[caption id="attachment_4713" align="alignright" width="300"]wonder_wednesday Image created using Bit Strips.[/caption]

Today's Wonder Wednesday may be a little morbid or upsetting for some. If you're the sensitive type, feel free to skip this one.

Something I saw during my commute home upset me and made me think about the ghosts that haunt my past.

 

 

 

[caption id="attachment_5338" align="aligncenter" width="300"]bird-374072_640 The bird was brown and yellow.[/caption]

A bird. Caught in the hinge of the trunk of the car in front of me. Its lifeless wing flaps in the wind. It hurts me to look at it but I can't avoid it. I want to scream at the driver to free the poor thing. I want to ask them how they could be so oblivious.

Is it that they don't care about the world around them? Are they too engrossed in their own problems to notice anything else? Is the life of another creature worthless to them?

Or am I too sensitive? Too observant?

For a time, I lived that way. Oblivious. I had made myself numb. First, I let someone convince me I was too sensitive. Then, I drank to kill the pain I felt at noticing such things. It was easier to acquiesce than to admit that there was nothing wrong with me. Because that meant it was the relationship that was the problem. And who was I without my relationship?

I became quite ill. In 2010, I was diagnosed with Narcolepsy. In 2012, I began reacting to most things I ate. In 2013, my first vitamin deficiencies appeared.

I almost lost myself completely.

But I woke up one day and realized what was really going on.

If I couldn't be myself, it wasn't healthy for either of us. Indeed, we were growing to hate each other and counselling did nothing to help the situation. We were just too different on too many levels and deep down I think we both knew it. I knew changing things would add more hurt before we could both have a chance at being happy. But I also knew it was necessary.

The narcolepsy disappeared in 2013. That was about 6 months after ending it. Now, in 2016, my food allergies and vitamin deficiencies are almost gone. My immune system needs a little help for now but things are so vastly better that I'm not stressed about it.

But I care so very much about that little bird. It hurts more than I wish it did. And it sucks so fucking bad that I couldn't do anything to help it.

That pain reassures me that I am me once again.

And if someone has a problem with how much I care about something, they can go fuck themselves.

Ciao,
R~

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Under Siege

My city is under attack. I wish I was being facetious.  The so-called "freedom" convoy is here and so far this is what has transpired: 1. They parked on the war memorial. These people who call themselves patriots. This is where the Unknown Soldier rests. This is where Corporal Nathan Cirullo lost his life in October of 2014. The cars were towed, but who knows what actual repercussions they will face. 2. Later, when asked to move away from memorial, one stood and jumped on the tomb itself while others cheered.  3. Despite having port-a-potties provided for by the mayor, they've been defecating on Parliament Hill, in snowbanks, and on streets nearby.  4. Flags being flown include the Confederate flag of the United States, Trump flags, the Quebec equivalent to the Confederate flag, upside down Canada flags, regular Canada flags, Fuck Trudeau flags, libertarian flags, and ones adorned with swastikas. Yeah, this is totally about freedom rather than racism, white su

A Lot of Bullspit - 2020 ROW80 R3-W5

This week has had a lot of bullspit in it. Shortly after my last trip to buy reno supplies, I discovered mold in my bathroom. While that's not shocking, it's pretty much because they appear to have left wet drywall in the wall and covered the wall with another layer of drywall instead of properly repairing it after a leak. Geniuses. This is a mixed bag. It means I may have to do the tub area sooner than I expected. It is the same wall as the annoying peeling paint, so that's kind of good. I may just need to replace much of the wall, which is about 1.5 drywall boards because it's a small room. Cost wise, the wall repair isn't so bad. I'm not looking forward to having to deal with it, but I acquired the PPE gear for it and the mold removal supplies. Now, here's where the project may change substantially. I was originally planning to install a tub surround over the tile and then use the Rust Oleum tub restore stuff, but if there is mold in the wall, it's li

December 2023 Holidays

The drive to North Bay was pretty smooth until I was 30 minutes away and ran out of windshield washer fluid. That was the first time that ever happened to me. Luckily, about 10-15 minutes later, there was one last gas station where I could fix that. Since it's my busy season, I worked the mornings and took the afternoons and evenings to spend with family and friends. My brother stopped by with a special gift, a new ornament for the tree. My mom loved ceramic Christmas trees, so it's a perfect way to keep her with us at Christmas. His friend, Fawn, helped him get it made. She has a YouTube channel you can check out here: https://youtube.com/@thethriftyfawn After that, I visited friends in the slightly rural part of Callander, Ontario. We were having a lovely time catching up and then the evening had a surprise in store. Someone in the area had hit a small deer with their vehicle. My friend's dad skinned and gutted it in around -20C (due to the windchill) weather.