Skip to main content

Frisky Friday - First Times

[caption id="attachment_10523" align="alignright" width="300"]Screenshot_20170515-132753 Image created using Bitmoji[/caption]

Whether it's your first time having sex ever or your first time with a new person, it's often not the best experience.

People get performance anxiety. We see that a lot in things like presentations at school or in martial arts gradings. I've seen people lose their place while presenting and become unable to find it again. I've seen people make a mistake during a grading and become so flustered they start over and skip a kata entirely to try to fix the time issue caused by starting over and have a complete meltdown.

This totally happens with sex too.

Maybe you go too early like Jim in American Pie. Maybe you just can't figure out how the hell to get the bra off*.

I feel like people build sex out to be this massive thing like a quest for The Holy Grail when it's really the most natural thing.

What I've found is that the first time is so filled with worrying about messing up that at least one of you doesn't have fun. It takes time to get to know each other outside of the bedroom and inside it too.

It usually gets better each time you have it. This is because everyone likes different things and their bodies are different. An intact man's foreskin may not retract normally, for example, and might need extra special care. A woman might need more lube** than average. Everyone has different erogenous zones and half the fun of sex is figuring out what excites the other person. Sometimes you both cum and other times you might not. Especially if one of you is distracted by whatever is going on in your life.

And it's not like how it is in porn. 

All kinds of things happen with sex that can be totally weird. Vaginas make hilarious noises sometimes because of suction and wetness. People fart accidentally at awkward times. It's often sweaty.

If you pay enough attention to your partner to notice if they're having fun, rather than being so self-absorbed that their head could be banging on the wall without you noticing, you'll probably both have fun. Just don't ask your partner every two seconds if they're enjoying themselves. That's annoying.

Remember to be safe. There is a ton of information out there on using condoms properly.

Sex is supposed to be fun. Sometimes you can't get in the right head space or you just don't click sexually with someone. Maybe they like it fast and rough while you like it slow and tender. Maybe they want it multiple times a day and you like it once weekly. This is normal too and it may mean you're just not right for each other if you can't find a compromise. That sucks, but it's better to figure that out before you're married to each other.

I believe it's important to be able to talk a bit about sex with a person before jumping into it with them. If the idea of telling someone how you like to be stroked is terrifying, then maybe you're not ready for sex at all. If it's because you don't know, go touch yourself ;)

And that's how life's river flows today.
R~

*While it's impressive to be able to do the one hand thing, most will settle for you being able to get a bra off without it taking forever. Push both sides of the clasp in toward each other if it's a regular bra. If it does up in the front, maybe just ask your partner for a little guidance ;)

**Lube. Lots of lube. Maybe you think you're some Casanova who all vaginas get massively wet for, but most of us like lube.

 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Lot of Bullspit - 2020 ROW80 R3-W5

This week has had a lot of bullspit in it. Shortly after my last trip to buy reno supplies, I discovered mold in my bathroom. While that's not shocking, it's pretty much because they appear to have left wet drywall in the wall and covered the wall with another layer of drywall instead of properly repairing it after a leak. Geniuses. This is a mixed bag. It means I may have to do the tub area sooner than I expected. It is the same wall as the annoying peeling paint, so that's kind of good. I may just need to replace much of the wall, which is about 1.5 drywall boards because it's a small room. Cost wise, the wall repair isn't so bad. I'm not looking forward to having to deal with it, but I acquired the PPE gear for it and the mold removal supplies. Now, here's where the project may change substantially. I was originally planning to install a tub surround over the tile and then use the Rust Oleum tub restore stuff, but if there is mold in the wall, it's li

ROW80 2020 R4 - GOALS

I've gotten zero writing done recently, however, I had other pressing things.  HOME As my new bed frame was due for arrival last Friday (more on this later), I hauled ass and purged a bunch more stuff from my home. I brought a full carload to donation and started loading up again. I also dealt with my old mattress, which I'm repurposing for a couch. Now, I didn't fully complete it as I haven't figured out all the pieces, but I did get it cut up appropriately and moved out of my bedroom. I'm currently sewing it back together. As for my bedroom, I was able to do a major declutter and access areas I haven't been able to in months. But that area now has bathroom stuff in it. There is more to do, but I'm really happy with my progress of late. I've cut myself numerous times on the couch project including my heel finding a tiny piece of glass, my palm finding a wayward staple, my knuckle finding who knows what, my one thumb having a run in with a box cutter, an

Catching My Breath - 2020 ROW80 R3-C6

 I've tried writing this post numerous times, but I needed a break. A long one. I've been mega stressed out and depressed, so I have been taking a little breather. I was feeling broken, but the experience has forced me to slow down and relax. I've gotten some help including medication for it and I am feeling much better. I'm feeling like myself more with each passing day. I'm sleeping better and have energy again.  I have been reducing my social media time. Especially Facebook. Actually, I enjoy Instagram much more. FITNESS I've been scooting and I'm getting back into skating. It's often hard to get out because of rain. Eventually, I want to do tricks on my skates. This skater may not be in derby anymore, but she's still a skater ;) I have a ton of plans for cross training once winter is here. I'll be hitting up outdoor rinks if they are available, but I'm also going to work on off skate skills that will help me get to doing tricks later on.