Early in the week, I read some posts online that suggested we are supposed to be the most unhappy in our 40s. That has not been my experience despite the increase in thoughts of mortality and questions about the whole of existence, which are normal in middle age. Yeah, apparently 40 is middle age, so I've been in it for a little while.
I spent my 20s attached then married, my 30s healing from that, and in my 40s, I feel like my life is improving by the day.
Does that mean everything is perfect?
Nope.
But I am putting a lot of effort into building a foundation for my creative efforts and that is bringing me a deep sense of happiness because I've yearned to reach these steps for so many years.
Starting a newsletter has been helpful for accountability.
Joining team sports has also been helpful for my self-esteem, my social life, and my self-improvement.
Learning to work better with my brain is making my everyday a little bit smoother. I still have meltdowns from time to time and struggle to decide what to do with a junk pile, but I try to be patient with myself now that I understand why those things happen.
My confidence is on the rise while I care less and less about unimportant things. I can better sort through what is and isn't important now. I deal with unpleasantness calmly.
I still have energy to pursue my passions. And if you've been here before, you know I have quite a few of those.
Yes, there is a lot more that I have to do before I'll be where I want to be with my writing and other creative pursuits, but most things don't feel so impossible anymore.
I catch myself smiling more than I have in decades. That's quite motivating and assuring about the path I'm on.
That path absolutely includes my creative projects like my novels. I spent part of this week learning to use Scrivener better to help me finish the editing of Sparker. I'm very much someone who adds more layers to my projects as I go. I don't have it all planned out from the get go. I grow along with my stories. Tweaking the appearance and making use of some elements like the outliner is helping me find the parts that need work.
I also returned to online dating this week. I'm not getting my hopes up as I've had a lot of disappointments in that realm whether in-person or online. But I'm trying anyway because I won't meet anyone by doing nothing. At least I could choose women who were in the right stage of life and had similar interests. Time will tell on this front. I genuinely hate filling out these profiles because it's so hard to give a good synopsis of who I am when I am passionate about so many things.
I spent a lot of this week quite exhausted from the previous one. 2023 Capital Pride was part of that. It had me so emotional this year. I was getting sore as I waited for the parade to get moving. Pavement and concrete are always more painful for me than other walking surfaces. What I realized is that the march is supposed to be painful to a degree. I was feeling a tiny fraction of what trail-blazing queers felt and endured before me as they protested for the rights we are now fighting to keep. This year, I felt more connected to the past and to the present queer community.
As I headed into the long weekend, I was sad that softball is almost over. The date for the athletic banquet was announced. I'm so happy that I was a part of Smack That. I even look upon orange with love instead of hate now.
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