I've been really frustrated the last few days. What has me frustrated? Just about everything.
Yesterday, I tried to play a song on guitar along with the music. It was a song we learned when I took guitar lessons. I couldn't do it as I didn't have the right strum pattern for it and it's actually in 3/4 time with the downward strum on the first and third beats, but then the sheets I have often show a chord change on a second beat when there isn't supposed to be strumming! I'm thinking something is messed up there somewhere. So I tried another. That one, our music didn't have the lead in stuff before the chords come in, so I had no idea when I was supposed to play what. I ended up having to go to a super rudimentary song that has two chords and only down strums on each beat in a 4/4 song. At least I was playing along with a song at the speed it's supposed to be played at, but I felt so far from anything that I want to be playing. I want to make an album someday, so I have a lot of work ahead of me.
I have so many things I want to write and not enough time to write it in. I want to get my novel done. I want to write songs. I have so many ideas for stories in a variety of mediums that I want to get out into the world. I'm now understanding the meaning of the quote, "The road to hell is paved with works-in-progress." -Philip Roth
I think I'll feel better once I get just about anything done, but most of our projects are in bits and pieces and won't be finished until the end of the school year.
It's cold and damp in Ottawa today and it has my ankles upset, which is making walking anywhere unpleasant. I'm yearning to live somewhere warmer.
Placement has been a bit challenging in the social sense. My supervisor was too busy most of the days I'd been there and conversation seemed to be more difficult than I think it should have been. It was better this past Friday though. What it has reinforced to me is that I'm really not wanting a typical 9 to 5 office worker lifestyle these days. I think freelancing is more my thing at this time in my life unless I get on staff for a TV show. I find it annoying to go out to write when I can do it from anywhere.
I'm slowly getting rid of things I don't want or need, but there is still so much junk to go through. When did I get all this stuff?
I have this urge to paint my connected living room, dining room, and hall/entrance. I'm hating my surroundings, basically. I want a neutral wall colour, but when will I have time to paint? I suppose I might during reading week in between homework. It's the cheapest home reno one can do and I want my place in a sell-able state just in case.
I want to knock anything off that I can without group partners, so I can concentrate on the things that will be important for my portfolio. Also, just to feel like I'm accomplishing ANYTHING.
One of the things I'm working on getting off my plate is a book review. I'm reading Write Screenplays That Sell the Ackerman Way by Hal Ackerman. In it he says, "Your aspirations will nearly always be out of the reach of your ability to attain them, but this is the irritation in the oyster that creates the pearl." - Hal Ackerman
I'm hoping all this frustration is leading somewhere good. Right now, so much of my future is still murky and it's a little unsettling.
And that's how life's river flows today.