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10 Clues That I Was Always Gay

Sometimes, when one looks back, they can see things about themselves in a new light. Hints that I was gay were there, but each one alone could be seen as completely within the realm of heterosexuality. When I see them all together, I can see that it's more likely that I was always gay and hadn't figured it out.

1. I was a tomboy. Yes, there are tomboys in all sexualities, but it's a little extra common for lesbian and bisexual or pansexual women to lean toward the boyish things. I thought boys always dressed cooler and looked comfortable. I hated playing house. Why would I want to spend my fun time cleaning when we could have an adventure?

2. Sports are something I've often enjoyed playing even if I was pretty trash at them when I was in elementary school. I suppose it's not common knowledge, but I often met up with friends as a preteen to play catch, baseball, frisbee, etc. I enjoyed martial arts. I played roller derby until I was injured. Now I do curling in the winter and I'm hoping to get into softball in the summer. I'm told enjoying baseball or softball is really common with lesbians. I suppose A League of Their Own may be related to that fairly widespread idea.

3. I loved Nancy Drew. No, not just the stories, but her. I hated her boyfriend. I wanted to be the one on going on mystery adventures with her. He wasn't good enough for her. I hated how he often wasn't there for her and was usually telling her not to do the thing she loved most. Fuck you, Ned Nickerson! I think Nancy was my first crush and I had no idea at the time. 

4. My interests have never been stereotypically female. I preferred tech crew in theatre. I like fantasy, horror, and sci-fi stories more often than romance, though I love when those have a romantic subplot. I worked in IT for several years then project management. I'm also rather handy around the house.

5. I always had more male friends. They were just easier to relate to and be around. There were some girls in highschool that I thought were so pretty and I hardly talked to them because I couldn't think of what to say. Especially one redhead. I didn't think her boyfriend was good enough for her either, so I was glad when they broke up.

6. I've always preferred having short hair. Even when it was long, I wished I could just cut it all off like a boy. When Britney shaved her head, I fucking cheered! I think it would have been awesome if more women had followed in her footsteps.

7. All the stuff women do to be pretty? I have always hated it. All the money and time spent on makeup, uncomfortable clothing, and  shoe fixations, I've never liked any of it. Except for a bit of goth makeup, I am so relieved to never have to do any of it again and I'm so excited to purge so much stuff! Also, pants with actual, deep pockets, are wonderful.

8. I never felt attraction to men like I do women. I thought they were interesting, like I might learn something from them, and they were cool to talk to. Guys were persistent though and I just ended up in relationships with them. But sexually? I felt like I was probably on the asexual spectrum until I had my gay awakening.

9. I didn't enjoy kissing most men. Facial hair is like sandpaper and I couldn't understand the women who enjoyed that. High school boys were fine when I was there because they didn't have facial hair, so kissing felt soft like kissing women does.

10. I almost never enjoyed sex with men. I asked female friends if they're all just bad at it. Many replied that a lot of them are, so that didn't help me, but I'd even become repulsed after being with them once. That definitely should've been a sign.


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