Skip to main content

10 Clues That I Was Always Gay

Sometimes, when one looks back, they can see things about themselves in a new light. Hints that I was gay were there, but each one alone could be seen as completely within the realm of heterosexuality. When I see them all together, I can see that it's more likely that I was always gay and hadn't figured it out.

1. I was a tomboy. Yes, there are tomboys in all sexualities, but it's a little extra common for lesbian and bisexual or pansexual women to lean toward the boyish things. I thought boys always dressed cooler and looked comfortable. I hated playing house. Why would I want to spend my fun time cleaning when we could have an adventure?

2. Sports are something I've often enjoyed playing even if I was pretty trash at them when I was in elementary school. I suppose it's not common knowledge, but I often met up with friends as a preteen to play catch, baseball, frisbee, etc. I enjoyed martial arts. I played roller derby until I was injured. Now I do curling in the winter and I'm hoping to get into softball in the summer. I'm told enjoying baseball or softball is really common with lesbians. I suppose A League of Their Own may be related to that fairly widespread idea.

3. I loved Nancy Drew. No, not just the stories, but her. I hated her boyfriend. I wanted to be the one on going on mystery adventures with her. He wasn't good enough for her. I hated how he often wasn't there for her and was usually telling her not to do the thing she loved most. Fuck you, Ned Nickerson! I think Nancy was my first crush and I had no idea at the time. 

4. My interests have never been stereotypically female. I preferred tech crew in theatre. I like fantasy, horror, and sci-fi stories more often than romance, though I love when those have a romantic subplot. I worked in IT for several years then project management. I'm also rather handy around the house.

5. I always had more male friends. They were just easier to relate to and be around. There were some girls in highschool that I thought were so pretty and I hardly talked to them because I couldn't think of what to say. Especially one redhead. I didn't think her boyfriend was good enough for her either, so I was glad when they broke up.

6. I've always preferred having short hair. Even when it was long, I wished I could just cut it all off like a boy. When Britney shaved her head, I fucking cheered! I think it would have been awesome if more women had followed in her footsteps.

7. All the stuff women do to be pretty? I have always hated it. All the money and time spent on makeup, uncomfortable clothing, and  shoe fixations, I've never liked any of it. Except for a bit of goth makeup, I am so relieved to never have to do any of it again and I'm so excited to purge so much stuff! Also, pants with actual, deep pockets, are wonderful.

8. I never felt attraction to men like I do women. I thought they were interesting, like I might learn something from them, and they were cool to talk to. Guys were persistent though and I just ended up in relationships with them. But sexually? I felt like I was probably on the asexual spectrum until I had my gay awakening.

9. I didn't enjoy kissing most men. Facial hair is like sandpaper and I couldn't understand the women who enjoyed that. High school boys were fine when I was there because they didn't have facial hair, so kissing felt soft like kissing women does.

10. I almost never enjoyed sex with men. I asked female friends if they're all just bad at it. Many replied that a lot of them are, so that didn't help me, but I'd even become repulsed after being with them once. That definitely should've been a sign.


Popular posts from this blog

Under Siege

My city is under attack. I wish I was being facetious.  The so-called "freedom" convoy is here and so far this is what has transpired: 1. They parked on the war memorial. These people who call themselves patriots. This is where the Unknown Soldier rests. This is where Corporal Nathan Cirullo lost his life in October of 2014. The cars were towed, but who knows what actual repercussions they will face. 2. Later, when asked to move away from memorial, one stood and jumped on the tomb itself while others cheered.  3. Despite having port-a-potties provided for by the mayor, they've been defecating on Parliament Hill, in snowbanks, and on streets nearby.  4. Flags being flown include the Confederate flag of the United States, Trump flags, the Quebec equivalent to the Confederate flag, upside down Canada flags, regular Canada flags, Fuck Trudeau flags, libertarian flags, and ones adorned with swastikas. Yeah, this is totally about freedom rather than racism, white su

December 2023 Holidays

The drive to North Bay was pretty smooth until I was 30 minutes away and ran out of windshield washer fluid. That was the first time that ever happened to me. Luckily, about 10-15 minutes later, there was one last gas station where I could fix that. Since it's my busy season, I worked the mornings and took the afternoons and evenings to spend with family and friends. My brother stopped by with a special gift, a new ornament for the tree. My mom loved ceramic Christmas trees, so it's a perfect way to keep her with us at Christmas. His friend, Fawn, helped him get it made. She has a YouTube channel you can check out here: After that, I visited friends in the slightly rural part of Callander, Ontario. We were having a lovely time catching up and then the evening had a surprise in store. Someone in the area had hit a small deer with their vehicle. My friend's dad skinned and gutted it in around -20C (due to the windchill) weather.

OIW - Book Cover Design Seminar

On May 22nd, I went to a seminar on book cover design. Before the information was presented on design, the author of Imposter Bride, Nancy Richler , read part of her first chapter and the story sounds intriguing. Lately, I am preferring to read the work of other Ottawa-area authors. Perhaps someday it will be my book that they read in turn. Currently, I am reading The Crimson Man by Patricia K McCarthy and though it is not in my genre, it is a fiery read. Ladies, you'll enjoy it. So far it feels heated like 50 Shades of Grey, but with more substance and a higher level of writing skill. At the beginning of the meeting, announcements were made about newly published works by members of the Ottawa Independent Writers group. The Autism Story is written as fiction by a university professor that specializes in the area. It sounds interesting as well. Nancy Richler answered questions about publishing after she completed her reading. Here is what I took from it: 1. Avoid small pr