I've reached a curious point in my life. One where I feel like I know less than I ever have before. One where I've realized the best brother is Sam Winchester.
What have I been up to lately? Well, I've been continuing my goals for decluttering. Part of this has me building a coffee table out of crates. There are some things I need that don't have a home and I couldn't find what I want at IKEA. Also, given the current state of things, I didn't really want to go there anyway. Also, a friend had trouble with a desk order for her little one's birthday, so I'm not in a hurry to have anything to do with them right now. I have one crate of four completed. There is a lot of work ahead, but I feel motivated.
I've also been working on my current screenplay. I've found it helpful to go back to the planning stages and rework things as I made a major change to which character would be the main character and it is fundamentally changing the story. As it should, of course. I'm much more excited about this new idea. But I needed to go back to the planning and stop looking at the actual words I have so far because what I have doesn't match what I need it to be. Maybe I should start a new copy of the file entirely as it's a bit frustrating trying to let go of what came before while it's staring at me on the page...
Maybe that is all a metaphor for the future. All we know for sure is right now. Is that a bit unstable? Sure. But it means in some ways, I find myself living more than ever before.
I have also figured out some things in the spiritual sense and that has brought me a calm that nothing else has in recent years. I'm not going to go into all of that, but I'm happier than I have been in a long time.
In my 39th year, I finally feel like I've figured out who I am and what I want. I think this has been part of the reason I haven't been able to find that person who gets me. Who could possibly if I don't get myself?
There may be a lot of problems in 2020, but I think I'm far from the only person who has found this extra time to be helpful and even healing.
Cheers to whatever comes next.
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