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Gratefulness vs. Balance

I think the concept of gratefulness is lovely. I'm not sure people employ it in a realistic way.

I think one can be positive without ignoring the utter crappiness of a situation they are in. If one spends too much time only thinking optimistically, they'll be caught off guard when someone attacks them in the street. One doesn't want to be paranoid, but one should be prepared for a variety of possibilities.

The world has a lot of different kinds of people in it.

I don't think someone who gets stabbed by someone else should only be allowed to feel happy to be alive. Yes, that is part of what they should feel, of course. They should also be allowed to fully experience the range of human emotions. The grieving process is healthy and natural. Telling someone they should just be grateful because someone else has it worse ignores the person in front of you who is in pain.

I'm sick for the first time in a long time. I'm running a fever that is taking forever to go down. Knowing that my immune system has problems scares me. Someday a stupid little cold could kill me if I'm ever put on a chemotherapy medication.

Yes, there are people who are much worse off. People who are on that kind of medicine right now. Not everyone who takes it has Cancer either. People with autoimmune conditions are on it for much longer periods than Cancer patients are.

My autoimmune condition isn't yet as bad as it might get. In the meantime, I choose not to feel bad for doing the things I love while I can. Someday I may have too much pain to walk let alone do martial arts. For now, I pretty much can't cry, my tendons and joints hurt, my recovery time from activity is longer, I have food sensitivities, am often constipated no matter how much oils/water/laxatives are used, have painful sex sometimes with dryness no amount of lube takes away, am prone to vitamin and mineral deficiencies, get fatigued easily, and have difficulty swallowing pills and food. Oh and it's really common to have bloody noses, difficulty breathing, and pain in my salivary glands.

For now, Venus Williams continues to play professional tennis. Instead of feeling jealous that she is performing at a high level, I feel inspired.

Some days truly suck. Meditation teaches that fully experiencing every emotion is the only way to prevent that emotion from dominating one. Things we don't acknowledge fester and a small issue grows into a much larger one like how bottled up anger results in overreaction. Oh and ignoring how I'm feeling usually results in a flare up, which means extra pain, fatigue, etc beyond my normal amount.

I also choose not to feel bad for making full use of my medical benefits. I've worked hard for them and it's not like I can share them with the less fortunate. If I save money on my own healthcare needs, I'll have more to give to organizations that can help them though. I've donated to several causes this year, yet someone felt the need to make me feel bad for having benefits.

Besides, I already have to buy a lot of over-the-counter products frequently such as special eye drops, lip balms, various moisturizers, etc.

I feel sad often because the Americans I talk to in my online support group struggle so much with their health care costs. Things get so bad financially for them that their marriages break down and it's not uncommon for them to be stuck choosing between medication and food. How would me not using my benefits to the fullest extent, help them? It wouldn't. Does making me feel bad help? No. The best hope for them is to get a president in who cares about medical care for people who aren't wealthy as one can only participate in so many crowd funding initiatives before they need to create one for themselves.

I want everyone to stop telling others how to feel or how to act. You have no idea what someone else is struggling with. Telling someone to just be grateful is rude and inconsiderate. Try empathizing rather than criticizing.

Sorry for the rant, but I had to get that off my chest.

Ciao,
R~

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